A Road Trip Through the Heart of Russia

Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun?

Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Hurricane Neddy

Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is, Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.

  • What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
  • You don’t win friends with salad.
  • I’ve done everything Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
  • Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!

Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

Ahoy hoy? I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

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